There she goes again, always searching. Never satisfied. The view...
As she gazed out the window, she began to wonder what was ever in there? What did she see in all that? Was it even real?
At the time it became her reality. A delicious escape from normal, or boring, as she put it. She was always looking, always longing to be somewhere else, over there today, over here tomorrow. Next day, who knows. Was she afraid to be pinned down? What was she running from? And more importantly, what was she running to? This beautiful, beautiful mind.
...
"Not a day goes by when I'm not creating. I'd love to say I've done all I want to with my art... but far from it. I've spent more time confused about the direction than I have actual painting. And that's saying a lot. There's always this one thing in the back of my mind that eats away at me. It's a question really... one that I ask myself again and again and again... a question... and that is Why?
Why am I doing this? It's not even remotely fun. It's stressful, annoying and not going fast enough for me to catch up. Well, maybe that's a lie... it's actually going a million miles an hour, my head is exploding and willing my arms to catch up. There's not enough paintbrushes or canvases in the world for a mere splinter of my thoughts, but I need to keep going. Why?
OK, first, I'll work on a plan. That'll be fun, I'll write down all the places in the world I'd like to visit, then I'll contact everyone I can until something comes up. And in no time at all, it happens. It's like a thousand crazy ideas rolled into one, till it becomes one crazy idea rolled out a thousand times. Why?
I get to work, planning, creating, writing, sourcing information, and getting out there. All over the place, everywhere I can think of. In my head, this is awesome, this'll work, this is how others do it, this is how I'll get there. Hustle. And it really is, a constant hustle. Why?
And I get sick of it. The constant confusion and lack of progress is annoying me. It's like living a fairy tale inside your head that never quite seems to match up to any kind of reality. It's actual driving me crazy and I gotta just stop. Why exactly am I doing this again? Why?
There's this thing that happens when you reach a point of total freedom. It just feels so good to walk away from it. And I was worried at first. Like, what if the creativity just goes away. But more shocking... what if I just don't care anymore. I mean, it's pretty soul destroying to be constantly trying to break into the so called 'Art World" and Why?
Because it doesn't exist to me. It just doesn't. To me, the lines are far more blurred than that. I like to live in "My World" where success just comes from living your life the way you want to. Why?
Because freedom always wins in the end. It just does" K
(I'm rewriting my story, picking apart all the good bits and rambling onto the next big adventure. I don't know where it'll take me, but I do know it's on the way to Bali. Walking around the pond at Hook in Wanaka, it's a beautiful, crisp autumn day in paradise. There's bookings to take and cleaning to do in our accommodation business here. If I know one thing about business it's this... you sell the right product, in the right market, at the right time, for the right price. Well that's business I guess. An art in itself) K
